


Selfish | Rosé

by fiestar



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 11:49:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16853482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiestar/pseuds/fiestar
Summary: Follow me onTumblrfor more.





	Selfish | Rosé

Sharing has never been a foreign concept to Rose. Living in a household with a sibling ensured that the concept of what’s yours is mine was branded into Rose’s brain at a young age, and with it being an older sibling the rule was usually bent in her sister’s favor. More of a what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is also mine, rather than an equal shares deal that their parents probably assumed was happening. Rose has sacrificed her favorite things; be it clothes, books, or make up, in the name of sisterly love, so of course she’s become accustomed to the pitfalls of what sharing usually entails. There’s always something hidden in the fine print. What starts out as a borrowed shirt ends up being another article of clothing lost in the bowels of Jennie’s insatiable closet. The generous offer to cover Lisa’s half of the bill because the younger girl had absentmindedly, or, now that she’s considering it, purposefully left her wallet at home. An exclusive shade of lipstick loaned to Ji Soo on the way to a scheduled event turned into a missing piece in her almost complete array of shades. Yes, Rose is aware of all the underlying meanings to the word “sharing”, but she’s come to accept it as just another one of life’s many instances of injustice. She won’t spend time getting hung up over it because at the end of the day one less shirt, a few thousand less won, and a missing shade of lipstick that she can preorder from the next batch of shipments isn’t doing her any harm. What is doing her harm, however, is you. 

Well, not in the physical sense of the word. You haven’t caused her any actual bodily harm, though she doubts she’d be particularly angry with you if you did happen to hit her, because she’s too enamored with you. It’s been the same way since you were kids and Rose isn’t too sure how much longer she can keep up this ruse of only wanting to be just friends with you. Hopefully forever because she’s more willing to give up her entire closet to Jennie than lose you as a friend and that is quite a real possibility if she slips up at any point during your visit. The years apart had done both of you well. Rose even entertained the idea that she was going to get over her puppy crush on you once she settled in in Korea and the idea was only solidified when she first met Ji Soo and nearly fell in love, but of course you called her, timing it perfectly across your time differences, to see how she liked her training so far and any idea or perusing the elder girl flew out the window. 

You’d taken up residence in her heart and refused to move out and Rose has just been living with the consequences of sharing such a big part of herself with you for almost half of her life with no guarantee that you’d ever feel the same. Time and time again, Rose had committed the thought of confessing to you while there was a literal ocean keeping the two of you apart to spare herself the awkwardness of having to look you in the face like a puppy left out in the rain after you rejected her. But as much as Rose wanted to get the weight of it all off her chest, she couldn’t do that to you. You were her friend and she loved you too dearly to force you into a position where you couldn’t work through such a big issue face to face. But now here you are in Korea, more specifically in her room and Rose wants to put you back on a plane to Australia before she can embarrass herself after promising that you could stay with her for an entire week. Had she been thinking, Rose would’ve offered to put you up in a hotel to buffer the awkward tension that is sure to follow her confession, but Rose can barely breathe when it comes to you, let alone think clearly. 

Now she’s stuck in an empty dorm, because she’d been conscientious enough to suggest that you visit during the exact time slot that YG set aside for a break that they didn’t particularly need. Performing the same two songs on music shows and perhaps the entirety of four songs from their mini album barely put a dent in any of the girls’ stamina. She’d mentioned to you how she felt almost jealous of how busy her rival groups like Twice and Red Velvet were while Blackpink has still yet to make a dent in the discography that most girl groups have by their second anniversary. You’re talking about it now, saying something encouraging that Rose can’t quite hear over the sound of her heart pounding in her chest. Ji Soo had noticed the flush in her cheeks as she was halfway out the door, bowing politely to you as she went, and demanded that Rose drink some water to cool down. Lisa and Jennie had been much more hasty with their exit, much too excited to go explore Japan without the added guise of promotions dictating how far they could go and how long they could stay out. Rose almost wished she’d gone with them instead of offering to fly you up as she downs the last of her water. You’re still talking, quite passionately, about something, eyes sparkling with mirth as you wave your hands animatedly. The bed shakes ever so gently with each of your erratic movements and it lulls Rose into a state between calm and repressed panic. It’s a middle ground that allows her to tune in to what you’re saying at the tail end of your apparently wild story. 

“But, anyway, how has your day been?” You conclude, looking down at Rose. She doesn’t have enough strength to sit up and look into your eyes, so she’s been laid out next to you, looking at the ceiling. Her heart nearly leaps out of her chest when you lean over to look at her and the light glows like a halo around your head. There’s something so genuine about the soft smile playing at your lips that Rose can’t even take a few extra seconds to devise a less pitiful answer to your question. 

“Painful,” she sighs. Your hair that’s fallen like a curtain around her face sways with her heavy exhale and the light catches onto a few strands, painting them a pale gold. 

“Painful?” You yelp, “I’ve been going on about how some lady almost took my luggage and your day was painful. What happened?”

“Not that type of painful, silly.” Rose can’t place why she’s being so transparent in this moment. Usually she takes a moment to process what you’ve said and answer you without the added adoration staining her words, but right now her filter seems to be turned off. “I’ve just waited so long to see you again that just waiting for you to get here almost killed me.” 

“Oh, jeez, Rosie, don’t be so dramatic!” The sound you make is half of a sigh and half of a chuckle. “You almost gave me a heart attack.” _If only you knew_ , she wants to say, but her voice gets stuck in her throat as you lean closer to her. It could almost be a kiss, albeit an upside down one, if you moved forward a few inches, but as it stands you rest your forehead against hers as a show of solidarity. 

“I really missed you, too, Rosie.” Your voice is as calm as a lake but Rose is caught in the unseen undertow of the platonic admission. You missed her like an owner misses their pet after a long day at work. Of course, it’s genuine and endearing, but it’s not enough. It’s not what she wants. She wants more and Rose is unsure as to whether or not you’re willing to give it to her. If you were a Blink that she’d acquainted herself with then it’d be doubtful that Rose would be turned down, and while you are a Blink you’re also her long-standing friend. There’s no starstruck heartstrings to pull on. And the lack of her confident Rosé armor scares her. She feels herself slipping deeper and deeper into the ocean that will surely keep her away from holding your heart like she wants too and she’s so sure that she’s drowning that Rose can’t tell that the wetness on her cheeks are tears. You look up, taking in the trails of water dripping down her face and into her hair with careful eyes. There’s a sharp edge to your gaze, like you know exactly what you’re looking for and you’re just waiting to find it. As soon as you do Rose’s heart seizes up completely. 

“That’s not it, Rosie.” Your voice has lost its jovial warmth and Rose shivers under the heavy weight of your eyes. “ _Tell me_.”

“I can’t,” her voice is thick with barely repressed emotions, but years of friendship have sharpened your senses to a point. You can easily pick out the melancholy and fear, but the cause of it is lost on you. 

“Tell me, Rosie.” There’s an unspoken _please_ tacked on to the end as you beg for her to let you in. You want to help her, but you can’t if she’s keeping everything bottled up inside her. “You’re not alone, Rosie. You can tell me anything. Tell me.” 

For so long these feelings have been hers and hers alone. Not even her sister knew about what she felt for you, lest her older sibling teasing slip up in front of you one day. The wall that Rose had painstaking built up to keep these feelings at bay, to keep you out of her head, is slowly crumbling with each passing second that your eyes don’t waver from hers. 

“I can’t!” Rose wails, finally rolling away from you only to be blinded by your hair that’s still falling around her. It smells like you, it smells like home, it smells like another fissure in her wall to keep you away. 

“Can’t or won’t?” Rose doesn’t say anything, you already know the answer. “Why won’t you talk to me, Roseanne? Am I not your friend? You know I love you more than anything in the world. Please, let me in.”

“ _Don’t say that!_ ” Rose wails, finally sitting up and freeing herself from the persuasive scent of you. “I can’t tell you!”

“Why not!”

“Because I love you and I don’t want you to leave me!” She’d done it. The one thing she swore would be hers and hers alone, laid out in the open for you to take or leave. This wasn’t something that could easily be replaced. Rose is sure that if you leave her heart to bleed she’ll never recover from it. She’s already so sure that you’ll leave that the sound of you standing from her bed drives a knife into her chest. Each step twists it round and round until she can barely breathe between her tears. But you don’t leave. You stand in front of her and lace a hand through her hair before pulling her to rest against your stomach. Her hands move to fist your shirt in an ironclad grip, so sure that just holding you like this will hold you with her forever. So sure it’ll stop you from disappearing. 

“Rose,” you start slowly, “why didn’t you tell me? Why’d you keep this to yourself?” Rose can almost hear the look of betrayal gracing your beautiful face. This isn’t what she had wanted, ever. Hurting you is the last thing Rose would ever intentionally do, and yet she had by keeping this from you. It was selfish. She was selfish. 

“If I didn’t tell you if I kept this for only myself to know, I thought I would get to keep you. I’m selfish that way. I thought if I didn’t tell you I wouldn’t ever have to say goodbye.”

“But, Rose,” she hesitates to release her grip on you as you move to kneel before her, “without knowing I would’ve loved someone else, and you’d get to keep me without really having me.” You were right, she knew you were, but Rose hadn’t thought that far into the future. She always imagined it would be you two against the world. Forever. A best friend until death. She’d never imagined that you would possibly fall in love and leave her behind. Not ever really going, but not staying behind with her either. It became almost impossible to see you with anyone but her as Rose watched you turn down suitor after suitor as if you were content to be alone as long as you had her. The two of you could be alone together and share your lives even if it was only as best friends. Rose had been content to see that future through, so she never thought of a more realistic view. It makes her cry harder. 

“I don’t want to share you.” She gasps through her stilted sobs. “I want it to just be you and me. We can be best friends forever like we always said. You promised me!” 

“I haven’t broken any promise. You left me behind, remember? This is the first time I’ve seen you, _really_ seen you, in six years. I’ve waited for you because I love you and there’ll never be anyone like my Rosie. I have to share you with the world, you know.” Deep Down Rose realizes that she’s being unfair, but deeper still is an ugly green monster that refuses to share you. You’re the one thing she can’t let anyone take from her. 

“I’m sorry. I love you, I’m sorry.” Her cheeks are sticky with tears and it’s getting hard to breathe through her nose, but you’re not done. 

“Why would you ever doubt my love for you, Rose? You know I adore you. How could I ever leave you behind. I’m not selfish like you are. Not when it matters.” 

“This matters,” she insists, “you matter. You matter to me so much. I was terrified of losing you. Even now I’m scared that you’ll leave me for this. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to lose you!” 

“How many times do I have to tell you this; you’ll never lose me.” Her cheeks are cold from the tears when your hands held her face, so she’ll look at you. Her eyes are misty and she can barely focus on your warped visage, but Rose manages. She can tell this will be the deciding moment in all of this. 

“Listen to me.” You implore. Rose nods as best she can against your hold. “No, not with your ears, with everything that you are, listen to me right now, Rose.” Your eyes glow as you stare at her and she feels like you’re staring past her physical being to her very core and it both frightens and enchants her. “Are you listening to me now?” She nods more resolutely this time. 

“I love you, Roseanne Park.” Rose’s hands jump to yours still pressed against her face. Her fingers following the trail of your arm, over the curve if your shoulder, up the column of your neck, to rest against your flushed face. Slowly the two of you move closer like magnets drawn to one another. Rose traces the curve of your cheek with her nose, taking in the scent of your skin until her breathing is steady. She leans closer, only a fraction of an inch, and kisses you. It feels like a dam has broken in her chest and she suddenly can’t get close enough to you. It’s a mess of grappling hands and searching lips as you both pour every emotion into each other until you become whole again. The chasm time and silence forged between you has been bridged and Rose can’t feel where she ends and you begin. The feeling of wholeness is foreign, yet welcomed as you two pull apart, gasping for air. Rose knows her hair is stuck to her stick cheeks and her skin is ruddy from the tears but you look at her like she’s just given you two moon and the stars. She knows the feeling well because it’s how she always looked at you. 

“You own my heart, Rosie Park.” You whisper. 

“And you have mine.”

“Always.” There’s no greed in the word, only unselfish, unrivaled devotion. You’re both willing to share a sacred part of yourself and Rose has never felt more eager to part with anything in her life. Because she knows you’ll protect her heart. Maybe she’s always known, but now it’s reality. 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr](thx-cum-again.tumblr.com) for more.


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